What is my dream? A wish? A fantasy? A vision carrying me?
I want not to escape beyond the highlights of shadows cast, within my loyal heart,
by flickering sparks burning bright with the flame of purest love. Look. See.
Hypnotizing my mind is hope, an impossible dream glowingly dancing its choice part.
My living breath ignites two silhouettes of goodness, embracing me,
in the space between the realms of light and dark, fire and ember, truth and hope fill my heart.
For one left behind to stumble in silence, alone, hiding a plea,
the hearthside warmth I feel exudes comforting peace while waltzing through memory’s abode.
There, I watch, bound by twinkling colours in night’s visions, a fiery sea,
burying hot embers of priceless treasures; my wishes igniting the sparking plea.
Spellbound in each glowing spear of orange, red, and yellow flames, hope bestowed
illuminates my imagination in the space between the realms of fireside’s lode.
My heart, delicately whispering a lullaby, brushes my eyes
as hissing sparks dance with mesmerizing, melodic, out-of-focus, blinking moments.
But beauty, incredible beauty in the burning pit, harmonize
into a glorious chorus of colours, reaching my elusive dreams, hope’s raiments.
Darkness settles upon the weary dreamer trying to claim a prize
in the campfire’s heat, the space between beckoning refuge in sleep; compassion’s garments.
Your warming hugs and tender kiss held me bound in exquisite longing.
Uncertainty drifted into the night air like smoke ascending in solemn off’ring,
with a sweet, savory scent, my inhalations deep in belonging.
My heart feels joy renew, the power of love’s seducing flame, breath fuels wishful dreaming.
Chest to chest in sweet caress beating hearts touch, naked in all feeling,
we delicately weave the silkworms’ binding threads in the space between fire and sleeping.
When I sleep, my unspoken wishes flicker orange and blue, seeking life,
amid carefully chosen tinder, igniting fantasy; happy, ever after.
I wish not to feel charred, an impossible dream, wherein my heart’s strife
watches the out-of-focus desires spark and glow, a trait of my naive character.
My heart aches, tears blur my vision, so out-of-focus happens in life
when tears fill the space between valley and summit, where you dwell with me ever after.
Sitting beside the hearth, in twilight’s prelude to starry night visions,
mythology, sparkles the sky with romantic enchantments of heroes and love unfeigned,
inviting the mind into the dreamy, believing heart. Illusions?
No. The highlights of shadows cast within the choicest recesses of my heart do reign.
Two heroes bless my life with their caring affections and decisions.
They live in the space between the realms of yesterday and tomorrow, flaming visions.
I will not let it go, and I cannot fill the space between us now
with anything more than memories of our time when living within a dream come true.
Deeply inhaling grateful gifts of fiery, emotional value,
the joyful solemnity that rests in my heart echoes an impossible, “Somehow.”
My tearful expressions of love burn bright in truth, His gift to endow,
My heart overflows from my wet eyes, awakened by the space between fire and ember.
Do not let me sleep and dream in impossible possibilities.
Do not let me wake and sigh from fireside’s warming dreams with loneliness, but hope divine.
Let me cry ’til all that is unfocused remains, cherished memories,
blessed shadows of my past in harmony, flickering high, dancing in flames sublime.
My living breath illuminates silhouettes of love, embracing me,
in the space between the realms of light and dark, fire and ember, truth and hope fill my heart.
© Vicki Nicholls January 2021
January 14, 2021 — Today I literally, and quite figuratively, stand where I never imagined, not even in my wildest dreams. Slightly over 13 months ago, I returned from a dream vacation, three weeks of cruising from Australia into the Tasman Sea around three Sounds of New Zealand’s Fiordland National Park to several cities before enjoying the waters and a couple of countries of the South Pacific, including Mystery Island, Vanuatu. Life-changing understates the experiences of visiting my best friend and this land beyond the horizons of previous adventures.
I am not the same person who buried my cherished companion, lover, friend, helpmeet, counselor, and husband of barely after 38 years of marriage in December 2016. You wake up from a dream to find yourself a solo voyager on a ship headed for turbulent waters. Storms threatened, even deluged my boat, but I held securely fastened and prayed like never before. I cried and cried and learned to laugh again before withdrawing to guilt and the safe shores of my solitary island. There I felt the warm breezes cooling my skin as I lay staring at clouds or floating in clear tropical waters. Eventually, my contemplations took deep root in the soil of a broken heart to bloom in the most unexpected ways, miracles to me.
And now, here I am today with inexpressible feelings for my life’s happenings, while days of hungering still send pangs into the bowels of my guts, drawing out festering wounds to allow light’s healing filter to enter. My scars and bruises tell my story, but now these beautiful reminders mostly elicit sweet contentment. I am following the promptings of my heart. Strength to exercise faith and courage to face the unknown ahead of me comes through the angels I know as friends. I dream, hope, and pray with the convictions of my soul that One greater than all understands and watches over me continually. Lessons, not always willingly accepted, provide many needed opportunities to see beyond the horizons I envision. Perhaps tomorrow, I will be blessed to wake and live another day when so many do not. What does it mean to live? To each person, a quest, an individual decision, a gift to impart to others, and a breath to inhale gratitude. For each his own experience! How wonderful is our puzzle! The spaces between the frame, in flux, increase my ability to endure tribulation and see glorious rainbows of delightful impressions upon my soul.
Since returning from Australia and New Zealand in December 2019, my adventurous spirit has soared many times. Upon summits, my heart, might, mind, and strength find peace in heaven’s view. I have met genuine people that find a special place in the caverns of my heart. It happens naturally, without force, these angels of mercy and loving friendship. “Life is all about the people we meet” echoes from my past with a clarity of ever-reaching wisdom I have only recently begun understanding. Immense in the scope of eternities’ breadth, this gem of immeasurable value shines each day as I observe, write impressions, talk to others, and pray. I love to smile with heart and soul, then laugh. I am blessed!! I am grateful!! I am me, a better version than the one Alan fostered in his mortal time with me. He taught me so much and left too early, but God knew I needed to blaze my trail, to see myself the way He does. I am loved. I am me, still adventuring, sometimes bushwhacking, on my contemplative voyages.
My poetry startles me in its intensity and domain of thought. A very dear friend told me once that my writing was intense. I did not understand. This past year, overflowing with exquisitely difficult emotional turmoil and grief when looking in the mirror at my reflections on life, grief, loss, death, and changing circumstances, now seems self-explanatory and healing. To share such intimate details of my figurative nakedness astounds this quiet, reflective, private woman. Very, very few know me and, therein is much comfort and security. What was once important, with a companion, was a cause of consternation for me when I had to learn about myself, my goals, dreams, and abilities. I like me. I still do not like being alone, for my heart longingly desires to love again and feel the magical spell of being part of a whole. I am the contemplative voyager indeed, falling into meditative trances on mountains and water, listening to nature’s sounds, and immersing myself in all that is good. I am grateful for the incredible people the Lord allows me to see, spend time with, and who edify, lift, and bless me with their goodness. It is with and through them, He touches my life, lifts my bowed head, takes my shaking hands, and carries me when my legs fail to hold me upright, and my heart’s burdens threaten a bulwark of grief. I am safe. I am happy. I am learning. I am blazing. I am dreaming, I am hoping. I am living. I am the contemplative voyager, enjoying where I berth (if only for a time) before I weigh anchor.
=>Where is your space between? What is it?
=>How does it affect your choices?
=>How would you close it? Can it be closed?
=>What is the purpose of the space between in your life?
Life Happens . . . so does the Space Between . . . so do Whispers . . . to Everyone . . . so do Feelings
. . . so do Awakenings . . . so do Sounds . . . so do Beginnings . . . so does Enlightenment
. . . so do Poetic Expressions . . . so does Waiting (SM) . . . so does a Ballad of the Contemplative Voyager
. . . so does the Master’s Touch (SM) . . . so does Dispelling Emptiness in Aloneness
. . . so do Aw-ha! Moments . . . so do Rooftops (SM) . . . so do Landscapes . . . so do . . .? . . . so . . .
. . . so do Dioramas (SM) . . . so do Storms . . . so do Prayers (SM) . . . so do Skeletons
. . . so does “What lack I yet?” (SM) . . . so do Feet . . . so do Swords and Shields (SM) . . . so do Tents
. . . so do Rescues (SM) . . . so do Father/Daughter Memories . . . so does the Shepherd (SM)
. . . so do Missing Pieces . . . so do Faith and Wholeness (SM) . . . do do Waves . . . so does Gingerbread
. . . so does “What am I to do now?” . . . so do Choices
***NOTE: (SM) = posts written under the sub-category Scriptural Musings comprising of my thoughts, reflections, and personal opinions based on my study of the King James Bible. ***
