Life Happens…

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How does one begin? From my time mortal, always an exercise of mind power over penmanship, the hesitation struggle of doubt, uncertainty, lack of confidence, and clarity of intention reach inedible proportions at one sitting. See what I mean? Let me try again.

Once upon a time, there was a young, cheerful girl who grew into womanhood. No, I do not think this is the appropriate ordering of my story this time. Cheerful, yes. Womanhood, yes, but that is not the beginning or end of the story. Chapters somewhere in between, yes. Where and how does my narration begin then for my purposes today?

Maybe in the middle of this woman’s age-defying naive, unsophisticated innocence wherein learning about my intimate, hidden self parts the thick, heavy, velvet stage curtains. No acting for the public. Intensely emotional self-examination, with all its uncertainty and scary scenes, looking at myself in the mirror of reality, writes the script. So it appears the cliche line, “Once upon a time,” reflects light and dark in shadows where perspective leads to personal introspective and interpretation.

Once upon a time, there was a woman who never outgrew childhood wonderment. No, it is not a fairy tale, at least not with the ending that little, dreamy, romantic girl with sugarplums dancing in her head envisions for herself as life happens minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, year by year. Recognizing the importance of the unsuspecting Grimm life touch, truth emerges more realistically. Long story, not for today either, but a few paragraphs will suffice, written with invisible ink between the lines, for now.

How about the following beginning, written by ‘yours truly’ a few days before my flight to Sydney, Australia, on November 9, 2019? ? (No returns, exchanges, or turning back, paid in full.)

“Flying into the night, afraid to face the truth conflicting heart and mind for over two years, she reflects. The journey’s anticipation fades like the setting sun as time draws closer. The rising sun threatens to dispel the fog-shrouded impossible, unrealistic or achievable dream of deep-abiding reciprocal love. Friendship, treasured like a pearl of great price, remains clear and visible in the bright morning rays.”

For several months previous, consuming anticipation filled my heart and mind with the sweetest, sugar-coated bloating, better than Nestle ® Smarties or incredible richness of the world’s most exquisite chocolate, homemade blueberry meringue tarts, or any other sumptuous, delicious delicacy.

Nervous anticipation swells like cresting waves as I experience difficulty with Air Canada and the online check-in system for my multi-leg flight from Toronto to Vancouver to Sydney. Several calls to, and between, Air Canada and RCCL for flight assistance, resolve issues, and off to Lester B. Pearson Airport I go. Calming myself by focusing concentration on relaxing and the upcoming three weeks of cruising, with a few previous self-guided touring days of Sydney, I review my touring/geocaching plans and ports of call.

I last saw him on the morning of November 4, 2017, to say good-bye and ask for a final picture before disembarking the Anthem of the Seas. My visit’s experience on the Anthem tries to throw me overboard in my mind. Reassuring myself and buckling the seatbelt, I settle for the long 22 hours of combined flights. The furthest adventure of a lifetime to visit faraway places on my list while, at the same time, visiting Joseph begins. Having learned of his new ship assignment, in a part of the world that ignites my vacationing curiosity, and confirming he would welcome me, I embark on this adventure halfway around the world, and yet.

Royal Caribbean Cruise Lines, Ovation of the Seas, here I come!

A huge step, figuratively, off the plane for me, I find myself still flying as I step, literally, over the threshold onto the covered passageway into the airport at my flight’s final destination. Figuratively and literally, begins a new day in this widow’s life. Feeling my compass arrow directionally challenging me, its pointer, symbolic of my heart and mind, continually spins with difficulty as my guiding north star loses sight for future planning during this phase of my contemplative voyage, single life. Since Alan’s unexpected death, my time consists of managing properties and making choices that deplete whatever sense of security I enjoyed for over 39 years with my best friend, helpmeet, and companion in all things.

I transition from hours of listening to music, crocheting, and dream-filled sleep, interrupted by restlessness in economy seats, to Australia’s summer. Hunger pangs crave the prospect of replenishing spiritual, physical, and mental reservoirs with nutritionally enhanced stimulation through sightseeing and friendship. Feeling secure in the knowledge Joseph will chat with me, as time permits, and the opportunity to disembark together in a couple of ports, a massive grin lights my way through Port Immigration and Customs.

First, a few days casually strolling through the streets of several Sydney neighbourhoods bordering my Airbnb allows me to decompress and stretch my legs. Generally, no bustling touristy hot spots vie for my attention as I prefer architectural beauties in historic areas and side streets where locals live and work. I must make an exception for Bondi Beach. Always a treasure trove of quiet, I relish the sites where I find myself in total stillness. A small, tucked away cafe catches my “take in everything” attitude with an unusual sign and name, as I explore little parks and alleys, all part of my new, cautiously, adventurous streak, bringing me to a historically, ‘major’ street in Annandale. Here I visually admire, through my uneducated lenses, the churches built to honour the God of their respective faiths. Gothic and medieval arches, pillars, ornamentation with exquisite detailing craftsmanship, and simplicity in the sturdy wood entrance doors, stained glass, and ironwork highlight the veneration of generations gone before.

November 13, 2019, dawns later than my awakening electrified brainwave signals, to another beginning, into the realm of unreal reality. The ship will be docking in a few hours before awaiting my pre-noon embarkation this promising warm, summer Aussie day. My Uber assures plenty of time, much slower than the rhythmic beating drum of my anticipatory heart pumping out energy beyond my attempted restrained control. It’s a miracle I could manage to kneel and remain in prayer of thanksgiving and petitioning strength to breathe the air, courage, hope, and calm waters in my soul.

Happiness rends my internal presence as I approach the pier, stand gazing in a stupor of amazement at the massive ship berthed beside me, and begin a steady pace to Immigration Control before gaining admittance to the gangplank. My face defies the passport photo staring at the officer, but he clears me. Now, I mentally hesitate and wonder at myself, remembering and chiding, allowing others to, excitedly, pass me towards the welcoming crew. No fear blanches my brow as I present myself. Still, a nervous energy threatens to rise from my feet to eyes. The Windjammer, my first destination, will test my emotional waters for this voyage, a beginning of another sort. Life is full of ‘beginning’ in its happenings.

Nothing to fear as I wash my hands upon entering the restaurant in search of my friend. Any doubt at a joyful reunion instantaneously fades when I see him near a food station in conversation with an officer. Our eyes meet. Ensuring the comforting bonds of our unique friendship retains our efforts and care over distance, time, and space by reassuring hugs, we chat for a few minutes. Gratitude for moments in time past, present, and future spark in the sense of touch for me.

Taking an open heart on the road that continues beyond the horizon brings unexpected consequences. The sun still shines. Beginnings occur in all circumstances and is no respecter of time or space. They are the daily, momentary glimpses into a path, direction, answer to prayer, longing, displeasure, opportunity, and choice I make during my experiences, time stopping events opening a/another window or door hidden by walls, extending across bridges of the heart and mind.

Here is where some of my alerts to wakefulness in living and slowly enjoying the inhalation process of my life’s happenings teach me anew, reminding me of blessings granted and bringing me to grateful remembrance. Please enjoy a few selected views from my three-week cruise, on The Ovation of the Seas, where I experienced an incredible voyage of my heart and eyes, things reflective of life happens . . . so do Beginnings. There is more to come in future days because I will never be the same as a result of my encounters with people, places, and things in New Zealand, Sydney, and The Ovation of the Seas.

All aboard. I begin a voyage never to be forgotten as I choose my options in the several ports and wonders of New Zealand and the South Pacific.

Where and how have you experienced a beginning? Sometimes it is in reflection we see anew.