Standing tall with eyes focused ahead, she confidently glides, mostly with simple exertion composed by balancing excitement and desired outcomes, towards her hidden objective beyond the next coved inlet. She knows not what to expect once there but anticipates her distance goal, going further than before. Gentle bubbling and radiating ripples emerge on either side of the v-shaped carving of green-hued waters reflecting dense foliage along the shores, broken only by intrusive monuments of wealth. Relaxing strokes close to the shoreline reveal decaying remnants of human’s careless invasion sunken into sandy bottoms, now a breeding habitat for algae and minnows.
She feels every muscle stress and relax like guitar strings picked and released in syncopated rhythm. Nature’s musical rendition, carefully composed, rends the air with full orchestration to the discerning ear. Subtle notes resound in harmonious underpinnings, plucking the intense listener from the most prominent to the sublime. Intimate immersion in the sounds of near silence awakens emotions with grateful appreciation for the seemingly insignificant that is magnificently hidden enlightenment to those who would tune into its musical renditions.
Out paddleboarding one humid Friday morning, before the approaching thunderstorm reaches me, I experience an Aw-ha moment as I paddle mostly head-on into the wind gusts churning up the water while returning to my launching spot. Between waves and winds threatening to knock me off my board, I consider the option of lowering myself. Instantaneously, a wave of confirmation floods my mind with the realization that I would have more power to resist on my knees and strength in my arms to pull in making progress against the headwind just as whitecaps curl in their rolling towards me. When communing with God’s creations, the most miraculous experiences occur. I feel at peace, safe, whole, connected, and complete in the moment, knowing where my strength comes from as a struggle, contemplate, and acknowledge my weaknesses. On my knees, my praying pose, on my paddleboard adjusts my newly tuned senses to the minutest details creating a masterpiece like Haydn or Strauss.
Much like the symphony of life, every chord makes not itself, being a combination of notes played together. Each sound resonates through choice, action, and reaction chosen by the composer, intensely personal, socially interactive. Sometimes a composition beginning with experimental curiosity, usually for a specific or desirable outcome, becomes evocatively responsive when the Master Conductor brings harmony to the orchestral melody with instruments in His hands.
Saturday, June 27, 2020 – I am tired, exhausted, and unable to get myself out of bed until 2 pm. No paddleboarding today. I miss the water. I sulk around the house and move slowly from bed to couch to chair and television. While watching a show called The Good Doctor, I hear a song at the end of the episode that penetrates my deep thoughts and emotional connection to the fate of the main character as unrestrained tears soak my cheeks. Immediately, I search the internet for the words that echo in an automatic replay, plucking my heartstrings. Over and over, I listen to “Got it in You” by Banners.
“Holding back the flood in
Songwriters: Michael Nelson / Sarah Berrios
This skyscraper town
You gave all that sweat and blood
Now you think you’re gonna drown
You can’t tell that you’re bigger
Than the sea that you’re sinking in
And you don’t know what you
Got but you got it at your fingertips
CHORUS: Ooh, you got it in you
Ooh, you got it in you.
When the lights go out and
Leave you standing in the dark
No one ever told you
This would be so hard
I know you think your fire is burning out
But I still see you shining through
You got it in you
Not everything you hear
Should sound like the truth
‘Cause nobody else’s words
Can define you
Maybe you don’t see it but you’re
Quicker than the world can spin
You should know what you got
‘Cause you got it at your fingertips
CHORUS
When the lights go out and
Leave you standing in the dark
No one ever told you
This would be so hard
I know you think your fire is burning out
But I still see you shining through
You got it in you
When the lights go out and
Leave you standing in the dark
No one ever told you this
Would be so hard
I know you think
Your fire is burning out
But I still see you shining through.
CHORUS.”
Got It In You lyrics © Home Music Company Inc.
Then, I hear it. Two distinct, instrumental voices offer more notes as if confirming the next stanza in my life’s composition. Alan, my deceased husband, and Joseph, my best friend for the last three and a half years, in perfect harmony, take turns singing the words they have spoken to me. “I am happy when you are happy. You can be happy. I want you to be happy. I am happy that you are happy.”
These words, “You got it in you,” “You can be happy,” “I want you to be happy,” and “I am happy you are happy,” bring to remembrance another voice that encouragingly texts, “You’ve got this.” Aw-ha!
Sunday dawns with smiling determination. A day of reflection and trying to look ahead at possible pleasant tones.
Monday, June 29, 2020 – Five kilometers on the paddleboard this morning. After a break for snacks, Johnson’s Beach calls from across the bay through boating and jet ski traffic. Now alone, I begin the four km round trip on the open water without haste, swaying with the gentle waves, feeling at ease with my surroundings, and managing to stay upright. Halfway to my destination, I kneel. Looking around at the tree-lined, rocky shores, miles of water, and blue skies with soft clouds drifting overhead, I inhale deeply, close my eyes momentarily. Struck by a sudden thought, never experienced or considered in my whole life, I hear myself utter these words quietly, like a secret whisper, I like me. What a revelation! I am happy! I enjoy spending time with me. I am learning about myself and becoming aware of my individuality, not dependent on what others think, expect of me, nor making choices and living to ensure the happiness of others, the people dearest to me. Aw-ha! I finish the crossing one way and quickly try calling my friends, Elizabeth and Robin before returning to Minet’s Point Park.
For now, I am alone in this world, on a contemplative voyage of discovery. For almost 20 years, living life happened under the tutelage of my parents before the next 39 years spent with my companion in love and life, then the next 3.5 years with my encouraging, supportive best friend, now it is my turn. It is scary, fraught with indecision, insecurity, traveling, family, death, love, laughter, tears, heartbreak, and so it is that life happens.
My Aw-ha! moments come most distinctly when I am on or in water, under starry or cloudy skies, and on my knees. Always with a prayer for guidance and protection, nature softens my heart with its melodious anthems. I am grateful for the instrumental compositions that bring fulness, harmony, and peace as I write my life’s sonnets and ballads!
What Aw-ha! moments have helped change your perspective and contributed to you life’s symphony?
Life Happens . . . so do Aw-ha! Moments, and Landscapes, so do . . ?, so . . ., Storms, and Skeletons, Feet, Tents, Father/Daughter Memories, Missing Pieces, Waves, Gingerbread, What am I to do Now, and Choices.
Life Happens in Scriptural Musings. . . so do Rooftops, and Dioramas, Prayers, What Lack I Yet, Swords and Shields, Rescues, the Shepherd, and Faith and Wholeness.
