What image do these words conjure? Riddle me a mystery, a puzzle, a dream, a life. Symbols, figurative expressions, and literal translations, a writer’s paradise, help me understand my life, one of fantasy mingled in reality. Or is it one of reality interspersed with elements of fantasy?
From whence, and why, came these words to me? Perhaps these insightful, memory-inspiring, visionary words are lingering remnants of night-dreaming, shattering silence, disrupted by an early morning alarm clock? It matters not.
My best friend, who encourages, supports, and makes me laugh during many hours of talking, visiting, sharing thoughts, concerns, caring and magical moments, transports me beyond boundaries of time and distance. I experience Peter Pan-like flying carried on the wings of fairy dust, past stars that flicker like fireflies, even in the morning. He inspires. Words flow like the Milky Way stretching across the night sky. My universe is magical, mysterious, and a blessed marvel. When shadows loom in the darkest night and slink around me in the brightness of day, I feel, think, stand still in silence to listen and love.
After four hours of sheer enjoyment in defying boundaries, we hang up. I hear the phrase fairy dust and fireflies. Visually appealing, my heart leaps into my mind, immediately followed by stars, leading me to my computer and writing. Surprised by thoughts of myself, I understand a voice in my novel, a fantasy fit for a princess of eternity, a seeming fairytale, yet truthfully anchored in figurative ports of call; the fascinating, unexpected, and rewarding voyage of my life. When will I securely berth in the harbour I seek? I do not know. I continue to experience waves, calm waters, faith-gripping moments, hope-filled mountain peaks rising above the waters, tranquil island rest, and peace in my soul. I’m grateful for this vessel, designed to divine specifications, outfitted with select crew and amenities for my learning, understanding, and experiences of the heart, my life.
So begins the non-beginning or ending of stars, fairy dust and fireflies. Here I am, soaring in my imaginative expressionism, wanting to be seen and known, yet hesitantly. Why do I write when it means giving access to my cherished vault with hints baring my heart and soul? Healing is an incredible experience fraught with danger, looking in the mirror, enlightenment, empathy, heartbreak, scars, self-discovery, and love. A pavilion under and within the constellations covers the essence of who I am, like fairy dust allowing me to fly away and flickering fireflies intermittently lighting my way. Symbolically dancing to the beat of fireflies, my heart strives to follow the light of truth, looking up to guiding stars and appreciating the delicate dusting of uplifting power.
I miss, think, feel, cry, laugh, remember, smile, and see, more like glimpse briefly through God’s lens, into possibilities for my future. What I think impossible (may not be so), I hope, trusting with childlike innocence, knowing He knows. I understand myself, layered within, touched with spiritual influences, independent and stubborn, yet pliable on the potter’s wheel of the unexpected realms awaiting. I seek guidance and expect answers to my prayers. Sometimes, no, or not yet, is an answer I have difficulty accepting. Timing is not in my hands. When I overthink, doubt darkens my hope. Quite often, I hear myself repeat words recorded in the Book of Mark, “Lord, I believe, help thou mine unbelief.” Then comes the teaching moments wherein I miss, cry, feel, laugh, remember, smile, and see the unseen and intangible, like fairy dust, and soar.
My life experiences, and a voyage cruising through waters of deep depression during 2020, leave beautiful scars that I would not replace or hide. They are like tattoos on my heart.
I learn best outdoors, returning to memories, myths, constellations, and a rhyme my mother taught me.
Starlight, star bright,
first star I see tonight,
I wish I may,
I wish I might
have the wish I wish tonight.
The night sky slowly reveals itself as I look to the stars to tame my anxiousness in impatience, my doubt in visionary dreams, and the fulness of my love, the essence of who I am, running wild towards one heart.
Stars
I see you watching o’er me,
legends, myths, milky way dreams,
fairytales and fairy dust,
fireflies twinkling like you.
You calm the billowing waves
crashing upon the shores of my heart.
You still the tempests when dusting me with magical rest,
and illuminate my senses like lightning bugs flitting in a jar.
My heart listens to whispering winds, babbling streams, crashing waves, my footsteps in autumn leaves, silence, and leads me into unexpected realms of connections, interactions, and reflectiveness. I respond and follow my heart and the symbolic life-blood coursing through my body.
I seek learning, understanding and strength to overcome struggles.
I love deeply, with a wholeness encompassing my entirety.
I pray and doubt myself.
I look into my mirror and see reflecting a woman that surprises me.
I wonder within the image and see a paradox, complex simplicity or simple complexity?
I reflect on my needs and desires.
Standing in the mirror, I see prisms of my life.
Each reflecting angle reveals truth in joys and strife.
I am a solitary wanderer (but not alone) in the nightmares that threaten and the dreams weaving silky connections of thoughts and feelings from heart and mind. I am guarded, protected, corrected, and guided by unseen hands and a very few select navigating instruments.
I look up, even when kneeling with a bowed head, pleading and thanking through tear-stained or smiling twinkling eyes into dark and sunlit skies or beside my bed.
I roam the earth, immersing myself, relishing the touch and smell of water, mountains, and forests breathing life.
I love the rain, lightning, thunder. I feel excitement and playfulness creeping through my veins while watching falling snow create a pure blanket of white and imagining myself twirling in an immersive snow globe.
The night sky holds me bound with its display of majestic lights and myths all year round.
Cold, crisp nights or warm, humid evenings, the narratives in the constellations unburden my heart with grateful fascination.
I feel small yet an essential element of individuality in the universe.
I belong. I am loved.
Whenever doubt clouds my mind, starlight peace illuminates.
While I sleep,
my dreams,
conceived in fairy dust sprinkled on my head,
come alive under a blanket of twinkling eyes,
and I soar, flying into the sublime.
In the forest of my imagination, I remember nights sitting around flaming campfires until dying embers warm the air inviting the entertaining dance of fireflies, providing childlike enthusiasm in light.
I am alive, living each day with a grateful breath and deep inhalations.
I feel, love, see, smile, meditate, contemplate the mystery of me, dream, hope and write.
I know my birthright,
conceived in eternity,
stars, fairy dust, and fireflies:
heritage and legacy.
Life happens . . . so do Stars, Fairy Dust, and Fireflies.
